What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
