Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
