At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize