So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
