are you so shy because you have an std?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
