I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
