Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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