it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
