My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
