i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm sobbing to NWA
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
