we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
