My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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