The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
