You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
