there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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