his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
