I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
