yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize