Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
