There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
