Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
