Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
i think i just lost a toe
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
