I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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