the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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