i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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