Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
