Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
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I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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