I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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