i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
