Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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