I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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