and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
