I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
