you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
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someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
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Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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