why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
