i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
