just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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