you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
