i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
