ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
