I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I am one with the molecules
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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