We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.