I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
