i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
