i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
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Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant