then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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