Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.