I thought spray tan was a myth
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it