I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash