Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
