Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize