So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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