I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize