I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
