They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
