Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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