Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
