New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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