White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
