cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
