y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
