i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
