At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize