Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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