great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize