question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
3pm strippers are depressing
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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