Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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