This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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