i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
