I think I am morally bankrupt
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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