he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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