Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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