Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize