You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
